Monday, October 27, 2008
So we just got one of the rooms in the house painted, by we I mean Steve. Anyways, I am always amazed at how different it makes things look. It was not that it was bad before it was just different than what I wanted. So I found something that I liked and Steve was so kind to paint it for me. I was thinking how I wished that changing things about my life was as easy as buying a can of paint and a roller. I was telling Steve about my new way of thinking about people and things. I have a few nemisises out there that I am trying to get over. I got a new sign that says, Enjoy your journey, which I am taking to mean enjoy my journey and not wish I was on someone elses. So we had this great chat and the next day, I tell you things always work out better in my head. When I come face to face with things or people it just isn't as easy as I thought it might be. Changing ones inner paint seems to take more than a can and a brush. Oh well, I guess as long as I have so much work to do on myself I can't die.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
So we took a trip to my college Alma mater this week. It was great. I kept telling the kids about all the crazy adventures that I had. I was less of a bad crazy and more of a I could get killed doing this crazy. So I told them about rock climbing and rafting the river in a little canoe. Taking crazy camping trips, all the usual activities that we do when you live inches from one of the most beautiful canyons. We were having a grand time, which gave me time to think. The kids played in the river and laughed while I sat on the bank and thought about going back. It made me wonder if you can ever go back to the person you were before. That person before husbands and kids, the carpool, lunches and dinners, and a 10:00 bedtime. Can you really ever go back? Don't get me wrong, I think that there are somethings that I like better about myself now that I am a real grown up but I do miss that person that went camping with just a blanket, now we need a uhaul to get everything we need. I miss not fearing death or the pain that a fall or bump would cause. I miss being carefree. Part of our trip brought something else up. I thought why do I not call my old college buddies that still live here. Well, the answer to that was that it was not a particularly "cute" day for me. I had some great sparkly purple clips holding my bangs out of my eyes and I had not gotten sleep in a good four days. So you might say I was less than "cute" at the moment. Why did I care what I looked like. I mean these people went camping with me and saw me after days without a shower. But now somehow I feel the need to be cute before we hangout. Why as we get older and the waist line and bags under our eyes get bigger do we get so concerned about what our old buddies think. I thought as we got older those things were supposed to matter less and less to us. We as women not girls are supposed to laugh at those that put such efforts into vain avenues. But there I was refusing to call a good friend that just had a new baby because I was not having a great hair day. Which I guess leads me back to the beginning about not ever being able to go back. I figure as we get older we have to embraced where we are now and that includes those sleepless baggy eyes and extra baby weight that isn't going anywhere. This is my new goal, to be as secure with who I am now and who I think that I was then. To be able to run into people in my jammies and the kids a mess and not worry about what they must think happened to the me that they knew years ago. This is the me now and I am going to learn to love her too.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
So I decided that I needed somewhere that was for me. I blog all the time about the kids and what they are doing, but what about me. Not that I am ever doing anything that is noteworthy, but I have thoughts sometimes that are unrelated to the children. So here I am, if you dare to read on you will get a glimpse into my crazy mind. Lately I have been thinking about how the Lord, or whatever you chose to call the higher power in your life, guides our lives. I think that sometimes we are sent people that change you forever and I think sometimes you go somewhere and see something that changes how you think. I have been reading some great books lately and I keep coming across a theme. Which is kinda a funny thing since when I went back and tried to find it I could not. I had someone else read it and they didn't get the same things I did. Anyways, that what I mean by being guided and lead. So here is what I have learned over the last few weeks. The art of comparing oneself to another is an ancient one. I learned that it is even mentioned in the Bible. The Lord counsels them to focus on their own mission and not in others. Kinda telling us to cheer them on but know that our own mission in unique and that they cannot out do us since we are on different paths. Which made me think. I have a true problem with comparing myself with other women. It seems that from the outside everyones life seems so sweet and exciting. I have learned that it is not the same path as mine so we cannot create the same masterpiece. It has freed me to not only view myself in a better light but those around me as I see that we are all creating or fulling our own journey, yours is yours and mine is mine. I think it is like the whole apple oranges thing. It has really changed how I view my life. The other thing that I learned was from a child that came to visit us the other day. She was talking about how she loved how organized our house is. I thought, WHAT??? You see I am not one of those people that is very organized or scheduled, schedules and lists make me want to run screaming down the street! So I thought this strange comment over as I was going about my day. What I learned was that I was doing a way better job at running my house then I thought I was. You see I can tell the little ones where to get their things and which side of the closet the school clothes are on. Now don't get me wrong, we have piles of laundry and the sink occasionally overflows with dirty dishes, but that is not the point. I am doing better than I thought. All in all these last few weeks have taught me to appreciate what I am doing well better, give myself, and other a break, and to enjoy the journey more. Better than before!!