A fish out of water

Do you ever have an experience where you are surrounded by people and still feel alone? I think everyone feels like that sometimes. I kind of hope that everyone feels like that sometimes. I would hate to think that I am the only one that feels like they don't belong with people. As you might notice this blog is a place for me to put things that I want my kids to read one day. I want my girls to know that even when you get big you might still feel like you are the strange one in the group. The one that just doesn't fit with the other pieces of the puzzle. See you are a four sided piece and all the others are three sided pieces. I think it is ok to feel like this sometimes. Helps you learn your real place in the world and what is really important. Sometimes you have to live somewhere that you don't friend soul friends. You know people that you will know and love into the Eternities. Yes, it isn't the best time in your life and you feel alone and isolated but you have to remember that you are there to learn something. See it is easier to hand this to them then it is to say, you are going through a trial to learn something. I think nobody wants to hear things like that ever! But it doesn't make it any less true. So trial, I want to know what I am supposed to learn so you can go away.

Lessons learned

I had some time on my hands today to reflect. I was thinking about how you never can take something you say or do back. It is true that you can say you are sorry and try to show someone that you really did not mean what you said or did. However you never can really go back. Which means every second of the day you will effect someone's life forever! See that I did not say that you might, you will. Every time your mouth opens or you interact with someone you have changed the course of their life. Pretty scary. I might have to lock myself in the bathroom.

Second thing of the day. I have a real problem. You see I have to check the blogs of people that I would not especially enjoy spending time with or chatting with. I somehow can't stop myself from seeing what they are up to. I think it comes from a more than healthy dose of I think I am cool. You see, if you aren't really friends with me than your life should be lame. That is right I am the real link to happiness. Not living a good life, or acting christ-like, you just have to be worthy of being my friend. Why is it I can't just not care what these people are up to? I think I might have some kind of sickness. I am the only one that trolls the blogs of people you might hid from in the store, or thank the heavens for caller id? Really I am a sick sick girl.

My secrets

My lovely friend Melissa challenged me to as she did everyone that reads her blog to blog about 10 secrets about you. So here you go!

1. I started out school premed. Which I attacked with all my passion until I had a wonderful professor that opened my eyes. I learned there were some sacrifices I was not willing to make for my dreams. They would be replaced by new dreams.
2. I love to cook. You will know I have lost it by how my house smells when you come over. Dirty pee diapers, you know I am good. Something yummy in the oven, prepare yourself for a storm.
3. I have a panic disorder. Somedays are worse than others. It makes life alot harder than it should be. One day when I am done with babies I will go back to taking my medicine. Might be why I am so scared of the dark. I hate the dark. Scary things hid in the dark!
4. Even in size 6 I feel huge. I know shut up me right. We all see each others bodies different than we do our own. You might think your hair is dumb, but I love it. You might think I am tiny but I am so over that stuff hanging over the top of those jeans. So you back off and let me be bugged!
5. I have a temper. Did you get that from my last thing. Yes I have a really bad temper. Want me to watch your bratty kids yet?? I am much better then I was but when I lose it, watch out. And don't ever mess with mama's babies.
6. Humm this is hard. I try to be an open person. If you take the time to learn about me I am all about letting you in. If you don't take the time, well then you stopped reading this by now.
7. I don't cry. Really I hardly ever cry. Somewhere along the way I stopped crying. I think it means that I am emotionally stunted. But I rarely cry. Poor Steve he is usually the one crying. Ask the kids, they think it is funny.
8. I am a nerd. I love the discovery channel and watching crazy gross documentaries. I like doing math in my head. I like reading non fiction books. I love going to school and learning something new.
9. I think most people are dumb. I try really hard to think that everyone is doing their best. That doesn't work very well for me. I still think they are dumb and should shut up and stop whining. It might take up some of my whining time if I have to listen to you whine too.
10. I like to workout. It is hard to get the motivation to start. But once I am doing it I love it. I love going to the gym. When the kids go to school, I mean the last kids, I might be a gym rat.

There you go. Might be more then you would want to know about me. But hey, love it or leave it baby.

You think I'm cool

I came home the other day and checked the answering machine. There was nothing there. So then I checked the caller id. You know to see if someone had called but decided not to leave a message. It was clear as well. So then I went on to check my email, nothing from any real human. At least all those newsletters love me. Then I checked my facebook and next my blog. I know you are wondering why in the world I have so much time. It was a bit of an experiment. I was thinking how when I was young it was all about the answering machine. That was how you knew if you were cool. Then you got caller id. You got to know who was calling you and who was calling you and did not want you to know they were calling. Then we all got email. You remember the whole you've got mail thing. Next came the blog and the need for followers and comments. Then came facebook, and who wrote on your wall or how many friends you have. So what is next? What will be the next measure of if you are cool or not? I have to say that I think I might not be cool anymore. I have less than 300 facebook friends. To be honest, I am not sure I even know that many people.

Forever Friends

I am being particularly whining today. Husband left yet again and here I am alone with all four little ones. Might be feeling just a tad lonely these days. It seems that he is always gone. The kids are starting to react and aren't acting their best. So today I am missing some friends that live not so close that I used to spend days at a time with. Husband would call when he got home from work wondering where in the world the kids and I were. I would be surprised that time had passed so quickly, I thought it was mid afternoon maybe! I miss these ladies that time can get lost with, where the kids can play and us ladies chat, sometimes their husbands would get in on the chatting action. Spending the day was never uncomfortable or weird, we were just as comfortable at each others homes as our own. I miss having friends that I could call anytime for anything and it became the most important thing to them. They would drop what they were doing to come to my aide or just listen to me whine about my life. We, that husband of mine, and I were talking about why it has been so much harder lately for him to travel. On him and me and the kids together have been really struggling lately. We decided that it was because before when he would leave we had this whole extra family around. People that loved us like family and we loved them right back. We would spend our days and evenings hanging out, having dinner, chatting the night away. I am not a good friend person. I just am not. You know some people have like a thousand close friends. I am not that person. I really don't do the whole causal friend thing. If you can't invest I just don't have time, if you are do busy with your own stuff, enjoy yourself. I am past the stage in life where I need friends just to have them. So don't call me whenever you need a favor and be no where to be found when I need one. Grumpy ME!!! Surprised that anyone would want to be my forever friend? Me too sometimes, but then I remember these wonderful women that even though we are miles apart still drop their whole day if I call upset or need advice. So ladies I love you and miss you something bad today. Makes me want to drag my exhausted body out to the car and drive to see one of you. Really I did think about taking the kids out of school and making a trip. My question for the universe today, how many of these forever friends are you due in a lifetime? Just wanting to know if I have hit my limit and better stop wishing. I might try to control the universe, or at least know what is going to happen.

Craftiness coming!!

I need to craft. I have been feeling off lately. Which means I need to slow down and do things that I love. So here is my list of projects to come!! Plus, where they came from, the lovely people that created the things I am currently in love with.

V's Blog

V's Esty Shop

Beth

twiddletails: Strippy Runner Tutorial

The Polka Dot Chair: Memo Board Idea...

Kids Halloween costumes. #1 wants to be a witch, #2 wants to be an Army man or a pirate, #3 wants to be Tinkerbell, and #4 has to be Tigger. That is what I have for her size and I am pretty sure she doesn't care. Can't wait to start these!! I will post my own when I am done!

My do to folder

I am working on getting my to do folder ready to share. I want people to see what plans I have so maybe I will be able get something finished. I have to find people from all over the blog world to get permission to use their images so just you wait. These things are fabulous!!

Sex

Yes that is right. The title really does say sex. Now you might be asking yourself, has she lost her mind, or am I about to read something I wish I never knew?? Well, you will have to figure that out all on your own. I was watching some tv show the other day, whilst watching I noticed how sex was being presented. We all know I like to craft things now and then, you might say it is a hobby. Well I learned that so is sex. See I did not know this. I did not know that it was something that you should do with everyone. It was so surprising to me to learn this after my 30 years of life. Did you all know this, that sex is a hobby? Why did nobody tell me? I am very disturbed by this! I do not want my children to grow up and see these things on tv or from their friends and think they are true. You see sex is not a hobby, yes people that is right find something else to call your hobby. How can I teach my kids that sex is something between two people that are committed for life that love each other more than anything else? This might not be something I am teaching them now, not sure it is a preschool topic. As time goes by I am guessing that sex on tv and the world in general will get more and more distorted. When they do get old enough to have that talk who know what I will be up against.

Still a baby

I have this thing for the Country Magazine. I love love it!! I have to have it to be a happy content person. My grandmother used to read it and ordered it for all of us. Now I guilt my mother into still getting it for me!!! On every issues back cover is a bit of country wisdom. This months was, "You are only as big as the things that make you mad." It took my wee little brain a bit to figure that one out, then I knew I was a little tiny person. You see there are a couple of things and people that make me want to scream just by standing there or hearing their name. I know am I still in junior high? My friend and I were discussing this the other day and I asked her how many people she had in her life that made her want to scream when someone else mentioned them, she said none. Mind you this is when she started to worry that she was one of these people that drive me crazy. I guess she gets to be a bigger person than me. Maybe one day I will get to be a bigger person, but I think that might be a way off. So to all my little girls, know that even big people act stupid and make you want to scream. Thing is when you get older you aren't supposed to care anymore. Maybe when you cuties grow up you can teach your mama how to behave.

Closer to death

So today I lost my twenties. They are gone forever never to return. How do I feel about that? Well, I remember all too well how I thought thirty was right next to being dead. People that were thirty were soooo old. Like half your life was OVER! So here I am half my life over wondering if I have done enough. I really think that I have. I was thinking if there was anything that I have not done that I wished that I had or wanted to add to my bucket list. There really was not anything I could think of. Here is a list of the things that I have done so far that were on my list:

• Travel to another county
• Play in both oceans that border my country
• Kayak
• Rock climb
• Have some lovely children
• Have a lovely hubby
• Graduate from college
• Own a home(well about 12 bucks of it anyways, the stupid bank owns the rest still!)
• Have some forever friends

I suppose the only things I might add would be to get some kind of graduate degree and snuggle my kids kids! So as I face down the second half of my life I feel content that I am doing well. So Happy Birthday to me!

Rain, Rain, come again

I know most people already think I am a bit off the normal curve. I love rain. I find it energizing and renewing. Not the sun after the storm but the storm, the thunder, the rain, the dark skies. I love the dark skies that make you want to climb into bed and read a good book and eat soup. So you lovely storm that came today please come again soon.